We Make People Who Speak Up Regret It
But the moment somebody finally says, “No, this is actually unacceptable,” everybody suddenly becomes an expert in appropriate behavior.
“There’s no need to be aggressive.”
“You’re making things uncomfortable.”
“Couldn’t you have handled this privately?”
And my personal favorite: “That’s just how they are.”
What a fantastic little sentence. Apparently, if you’ve been an asshole for long enough, it becomes part of your identity, and everybody else is expected to adjust accordingly. Turns out treating people like shit is perfectly acceptable as long as you’re consistent about it.
And the strangest part is that people genuinely believe they’re being fair. They want everyone to get along. They don’t want another exhausting meeting, another family argument, or another friendship becoming awkward. They just want things to be “normal”.
I understand that. Nobody enjoys constant conflict.
But there’s something seriously backwards about expecting endless patience from the person being mistreated while treating the person responsible like an uncontrollable weather phenomenon.
At some point, surely, we’re going to have to ask why everybody’s adjusting except the person causing the fucking problem.
