My instinct is to live as lightly as possible so I can be nimble. If I’m honest, this has always been a problem of mine to some extent. Like, when we moved to New York, I didn’t want to have to buy furniture and commit to a new place, so we signed onto a two-year furnished sublet. This all has downstream effects: We have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. I know stability is essential for them. And if I’m really, really honest, I grew up in a family with some instability, so I worry that I’m re-creating that by refusing to commit to a long-term home.
But I genuinely, in my bones, think chaos is coming. What do I do? How do I build a stable life when I’m convinced we need to be ready to run? —Love, Your Friend in Need, Nellie
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Ever notice that a peculiar sadness inheres in plastic forks and paper plates?
No one ever settles into a folding chair, no matter how sturdy. Couples who live together for years, telling themselves that they’re as good as married, rarely seem to believe it. The fact is, you don’t really tuck into a meal on squeaky Styrofoam. “My girlfriend” neither carries the ring nor commands the respect of “my wife.
……
Impermanence alienates and unnerves us.
Overinvest, never underinvest, in people around you and in those you love.
Particularly in a world with poor visibility, they are the closest thing any of us has to security. Give the community you inhabit a real shot and make a go of ensuring it succeeds.