When a child becomes a parent, roles shift.
In the days after her first grandchild was born, Randi Heredia listened to her son, a new dad, ask her to wash her hands before picking up the baby and warned her not to kiss the baby’s face.
It caught her off guard. “I’m so used to telling my son what to do and what not to do,” she says. Still, watching him step up as provider and protector was affirming and liberating. She doesn’t have to be the one making decisions and setting boundaries.
Sons and daughters will always be your child, but that identity and role becomes secondary when they have a baby. You have to let go of being the boss, which can be hard for parents used to jumping in and fixing things, says Gertrude Lyons, author, educator and parenting coach.
The best route is to let them be the parents, respect their boundaries and be grateful, because not everyone has the good fortune of seeing their kids have kids. The U.S. birthrate is falling and more young adults are deciding not to have kids. Of American parents between the ages of 50 and 90, some 35% don’t have grandkids. In 2018, the share was 30%.
Aaron Larsen says many grandparents still hold a traditional view that they are entitled to spoil their grandchild, whether that means giving them ice cream before dinner or overloading them with toys, rather than being entrusted with their care.
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