Amy (not her real name) sat in my office and wiped her streaming tears on her sleeve, refusing the scratchy tissues I’d offered. “I’m thinking about just applying for a Ph.D. program after I graduate because I have no idea what I want to do.” Amy had mild depression growing up, and it worsened during freshman year of college when she moved from her parents’ house to her dorm. It became increasingly difficult to balance school, socializing, laundry, and a part-time job. She finally had to dump the part-time job, was still unable to do laundry, and often stayed up until 2 a.m. trying to complete homework because she didn’t know how to manage her time without her parents keeping track of her schedule.
I suggested finding a job after graduation, even if it’s only temporary. She cried harder at this idea. “So, becoming an adult is just really scary for you?” I asked. “Yes,” she sniffled. Amy is 30 years old.
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I couldn’t agree more with this article. Too many college students and young adults suffer from depression and low self-esteem because they have been deprived of important opportunities to learn how to cope independently, to develop a sense of mastery and self-efficacy in life. They call on their parents for help too quickly. Their parents give them things and solve their problems too quickly. They use too many substances — alcohol, weed, stimulants, other psychiatric medications — rather than learn how to take care of themselves and engage effectively with the real world. No one — parent or child — seems able to tolerate the various normal discomforts involved in growth and growing up.
Becoming an adult has always been scary. And it always will be. That’s what makes it so satisfying and exciting to see yourself facing the challenges and becoming one.