Why I cringe when someone tells me my child is smart.

Jun Wu:

I come from a “tiger” family. You know the Asian family that worshipped “science” and not god. The one where “grades” is paramount. The one that demands “success” above all. The one that supposedly endowed me with extra genetic gifts that I must live up to.

The idea of the Silicon Valley parent is not new to me. In fact, I was on the verge of becoming one myself as it used to be the only way I knew how to parent.

As an adult, I didn’t really know the definition of anxiety. I didn’t know intrinsically what it felt like. One day, when someone finally described the feeling to me: racing heart, shortness of breath, a pit in my stomach, I realized that I’ve always just lived with this feeling from a very young age. I learned to cope by suppressing this feeling.

As a little girl, I knew fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, and anger well. Those emotions are more familiar to me than happiness. Those emotions are the ones that I have clung to all my life. Those emotions are familiar. I seek these emotions with a vengeance when I have a negative mindset. It is when I hurt myself with my masochistic tendencies.